Baby Einstein

"I know you're smart, but I mean she's REALLY smart"...referring to his ex

Bitch Slap

"It's not you...there's a lot of issues I still have with ex-girlfriends that I have to work through." Seven months later, he was engaged to another girl.

Mo money mo problems

"I show my affection for you by spending money and time is money. So, today when I took the dog out I spent at least 20 minutes with him; which is like $40 or $50 on you."

Brad Pitt

"Well, I'm just going to get a lot of attention when we go out. So, maybe we should just stay home"

Wardrobe Malfunction

"Ohh you're wearing your glasses to work today? I just always feel like when I wear my glasses i've already given up on the day."

Tofurkey

Oh my god, I just realized I have to go roast a chicken after work cause he doesn't like to touch poultry.